(The) Writer's Mind: Writing in-scene
You should approach your writing with prejudice. That prejudice is:
“I have written exposition and not scene, even if I think I wrote in scene.”
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Assume that you have written in an "abstract" register. Your job is to distinguish the degree to which your writing is abstract (in effect, "exposing" with transparence that which you are writing about) so that you can make it more concrete, and in time.
Foregrounding this assumption will help you to approach your writing honestly. For instance, one student wrote this: |
For some good writing advice about writing "thoughts" in scene, read Palahniuk's brief article in Lit Reactor.
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And here is a possible revision, moving more toward having the scene LET the addressee do some of the thinking and feeling, even though the character narrator speaks “her thoughts”; they are spoken “in scene.”
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I’m not saying my version of converting this exposition to scene is the best: each writer must find their own way to translate exposition into scene. While writing in scene requires you to unfold, in time, moment by moment, what happened, that “what happened” can include thoughts and memories triggered by what’s happening in scene. Your job is to make these topical intrusions into the narrative present BELIEVABLE.
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Another Example
Here is what one student wrote prior to revising more deeply into scene:
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My phone began to vibrate while I was in the cosmetics isle of shop rite with my mom picking up some last minute things to bring up to my sister Mary Kate. My friend Brianne and I were going to visit her for their schools St. Patrick’s day festivities, its huge up at Scranton.
I picked up the phone hearing Brianne say “Meg, oh my gosh I’m so sick like I can’t even get out of bed, "I don’t think I’m going to be able to go tomorrow.”
I hung up the phone fuming,
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Here is a revision:
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Zzzzt Zzzzt. My mom looked over at me with a scrunched up face as she was deciding on the scent of deodorant to get for my sister.
My phone continued to vibrate. As soon as I saw Brianne's name flash on the screen, I hit "talk" and said "Hey" into the phone.
I hung up the phone; I looked over at my mom who now had her hands full with Colgate toothpaste, Plax mouth wash, and a package that held two tooth brushes. I shuffled my feet along the white and red tiled floors. With each step I whispered over and over to my self, "No, no, no, no."
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